Dear Amy,
I am 24 years old and I’ve never had a boyfriend. I am a spiritual person and I have been doing a lot of work on myself. I’ve had healings and I talk with my guides but I’m having a hard time. Growing up I was made fun of for being fat or annoying. My brother called me fat and told me I would never do anything with my life. Despite this, I was a pretty happy kid. I was a cheerleader and played some sports. I had plenty of friends.
For a lot of my life, I’ve been obsessed with the thought of having a boyfriend but it hasn’t happened for me. I’m not sure when it happened but I have a hard time believing that I deserve love. Loving myself is something that I have difficulty with. I have anxiety and a lot of fear. Also as I grow older I notice that I become more negative. I always expect the worst rather than the best, and I am far too young to worry this much and be this unhappy. I have created so many blocks for myself and no matter how hard I try I have not been able to get rid of them.
It’s like I can’t let go; like I want to stay miserable and alone and I am unsure of how to change it. I have great friends and they are very encouraging and positive but I have a hard time changing the way I feel about myself. I’ve read your book and it is amazing, thank you. I’ve been told I have made a lot of progress very fast but I just don’t see it. Any advice you have would be greatly appreciated
From,
Just wants to be happy
Dear Just wants to be happy,
It sounds like you have surmounted some major challenges in your life already. That is something to remember about yourself, you took some serious lemons (a verbally abusive and humiliating sibling, hardships with self-worth) and made lemonade out of your life in many ways. If you choose to celebrate your achievements and the way you spread goodness and love in the world you can draw more good things to you.
I think you can focus your intention now on reprogramming your actual physical cells which have born the brunt of your emotional challenges. Recalibrate your cells to JOY – the highest vibration in the universe. To reprogram your cells use affirmative statements and decrees. Post the following statements in your environment where you can say them aloud daily, maybe on your bathroom mirror, or inside your closet door, or next to your bed.
AFFIRMATIONS – Daily
I am sacred.
I am joy.
My cells are infused with pure, joyful light in each moment.
I love me.
I choose to love myself and see my radiance.
I am beautiful, inside and out.
My body is a radiant expression of the divine feminine.
I am made of joy.
I am safe.
I am my higher self.
DECREES
You only need to do decrees once. All of your guides (new ones will come too) witness your decrees and say them aloud in unison with you to exponentialize the decree’s energy. You always say ‘it is done’ at the end of a decree and then it is 100% enacted (unless it harms anyone).
I decree that from this point forward I receive, give, and treat myself with the utmost love and kindness and that I be continually infused with joyful light to eternally raise my vibration for all time. It is done.
I decree that from this point forward I choose and attract positivity and my life is an enjoyable, ease-filled, pleasant expression of pure joy and love. It is done.
I decree that I am happy, fulfilled, and feel completely loved. I choose emotional safety for myself from this point forward. So it is. It is done.
It may be best to keep building your self-esteem before dating so you make healthy choices in your love life. Often times, when our self-esteem is shaky we get into romantic relationships that have a negative impact on our self-esteem or have one night stands that we feel conflicted about afterward. I’m SO glad you haven’t done that! Pat yourself on the back for that! Seriously. So much damage is done when we date when we aren’t emotionally ready.
Try to let go of the obsession with having a boyfriend and focus on yourself. The struggles you have with fear and anxiety might be helped by seeing a kind, holistic psychotherapist for a while to do some intensive building of your inner emotional foundation. Then you’ll be in the right place to share romantic experiences with someone who is also emotionally healthy and you’ll be able to spot him in the crowd.
In the meantime, fill your own needs. Socialize with friends and explore flirting a bit when you are out, just get your toes wet. Meet your own sensual needs too: warm bubble baths, massages, self lovemaking. Enliven your senses! Focus on things you can do each day to stimulate all of your senses: smell, touch, sight, sound, taste, and extrasensory. Have your sensory activities be joyful like a sunny morning walk in a meadow, patting a friend’s dog, or making sorbet with frozen fruit in the food processor. Try swimming in the ocean or a lake, cranking your favorite songs and having a dance party, gathering some peeps and hitting up an outdoor summer concert, or getting some reflexology on your tootsies.
You are going to have to exert some mental discipline when your thoughts turn toward the negative. Each time, catch yourself and start repeating any of the above affirmations like a mantra. I am joy, I am joy, I am joy. Intercept the negative and keep affirming joy instead. Even just repeating joy, joy, joy, joy, joy every time a negative thought pops up even if you are repeating joy for hours a day that’s fine; you’re just putting in time reprogramming your cells and life.
Write me back in a few months with your progress and then we’ll talk about meeting some guys.
May your life be filled with love and joy!
Amy Leigh Mercree
You can find another Ask Amy article here!